The drink was never the point.
It was the excuse. Somewhere to put your hands, a reason to sit across from someone, a clock that ran on rounds instead of minutes. Useful. Also a crutch.
Take it away and you find out fast whether the date works. Most of the time it does.
The trick is picking a place that gives you the same cover the drink used to.
Pick the activity first
A sober date fails when there is nothing to do but talk and no drink to hide behind. Two coffees at a bare table is an interview.
So pick a place that hands you a prop. A game to lose. A wall of books to disagree over. A flight of tea that arrives in stages and gives the night a shape. The object does what the cocktail did — it gives you both somewhere to look when you need a second.
Avoid the place that is trying to be a bar without the bar. A mocktail with a twelve-dollar price tag and a sad garnish is worse than a coffee that is honest about itself.
Do not make it a production
You do not have to announce that you're not drinking.
Nobody needs the speech — the Dry July explainer, the "I'm taking a break," the reason. It turns a nice night into a disclosure. Just order the tea, or the sundae, or rack the games, and let it be the plan and not a statement about the plan.
If they ask, answer short and move on. The date is the point, not your relationship to alcohol.
Know what kind of sober date you need
They do different jobs.
For an actual night out that feels like one, Soft Bar — a real bar, café by day, nothing on the menu with proof in it. For something to do with your hands, the game cafés: the Uncommons downtown, Hex & Co. uptown. For slow and deliberate, the tea rooms — Té Company, Cha-An. For a date that needs a subject, the bookstores: Housing Works, McNally Jackson. For low stakes and a walk after, the ice cream — Il Laboratorio, Chinatown Ice Cream Factory. And for a morning date that counts, Devoción or Abraço with the good coffee.
The rule
Pick the place that does the work the drink used to.
Something to hold, something to do, somewhere to look.
Order the tea. See what happens.
That is enough.